I am writing this while soaring through the air, thousands of meters above the sea, on my way to San Francisco, thinking of you. Something happened while I was listening to our playlist. As The Arrival of the Birds started playing – and it still is as I’m writing this – the persistent question arose once more: “What if she is the bird you’ve been waiting to arrive?” Up in the air, lost again, I started going through the photos you’ve sent me, looking for clues. I stopped at the one where you’re doing a duck face, yet another bird reference, and for some reason started zooming in your eyes in some symbolic attempt to look into the mirrors of your soul.
It was then that a surge of realization viscerally arose within me. Love is more about faith than it is about evidence. I cannot know for certain whether you are the one, but I should not act as if I don’t believe it. Faith is the precondition of love not merely its consequence. Only if I am my true self will that part of your soul that is looking for what’s missing could there be a hope of finding it in mine. Only if I believe, can I surrender, and only if I surrender can I be my true self. When belief undoes disbelief, my love, that’s when love begins…I surrender…to that force that made our paths cross. To what didn’t perish throughout the years, to that music that was heard from a forgotten instrument that was strummed again the moment I heard your voice, to that yearning of transcendence, to what overcomes all obstacles whether of the underworld, the earth or heaven, to that grace that fills the heart that gives but doesn’t make reciprocation a condition for its giving, to what crosses lifetimes but becomes stronger with each death and rebirth, to the mystery of reunion and its hidden source, to the silence between two pairs of eyes seeing in one another a divine spark and the laughter of future children – I surrender.
Only by loving as we should, do we discover what we could. Crabbing all the way to you my love. I’ll take as many upward side steps toward an ideal love as I have the courage for and let the winds of uncertainty and reality land me where I am destined to be: whether into your arms or besides them, maybe because fate may have it that in this lifetime you are to be held by another, I still would be grateful that you helped me fly.