I love you so much. That means: I look inside me and I only see light from me to you. Confucius once said: “To love something is wanting it to live”. I assume he didn’t mean for it to just have a pulse, but to be pulsating with life. To prosper with eudaimonia. What I want for you is not what is comfortable for me, but what makes you come alive, on a holistic level, from the mind, to the body and beyond, on the transcendental level, the immortal.
Despite my mind being sculpted by logic, I am incurably romantic.
Serving a pure and high ideal always moved me more than whether you could win with it in the world we live in. That is why your eros moves me, because it has something of the seal of destiny, that is willing to destroy itself for a strong, transcendental, pure emotion. I respect your emotion, just like I would God, if I believed in Him. I am extremely grateful I was the recipient of such a force, that lives not in denial but in affirmation.
Yet fate did not deem me worthy to live in the sanctum of your church. I know very well what it means to be possessed by Eros. It chooses you, not the other way around. The only thing you can do is either accept or deny it, but it has to be given to you for you to take it.
It was given to you, not to me. I tried to find, if I could, a way to combine our characteristics with our passions and flaws, a reasonable action, but on the wrong foundation. You had the solution from the start. I, enraptured, built the temple, but couldn’t bring the holy spirit. It was enough it lived in you.
I did not cause what you are living. I was just the pretext for it to be born, but it will die if I try to raise it. Take the lessons from the often out of tune rehearsals and use them to find someone you are harmoniously compatible. The man who helped you rehearse doesn’t have to be the man you’ll be with when the curtain falls.